Falling apart or being put back together?...

Are things falling apart or being put back together?

God has taught me a lot through this simple question. Recently God challenged me to give up my position on staff with YWAM in South Africa. He also asked me to give up a few other things along with it (I won't go into detail). All of this has been really humbling and stretching. Let's just say that God had to pry my fingers open before I let it all go.

This morning, I was in my room thinking about all that I have been asked to 'give up' to God and I began to just cry. I knelt there, face in the carpet wondering what my future was going to look like. Panic began to creep in as I realized all that I had (all that I thought I had) was now gone. (don't get me wrong, I know there are worse things in life than what I'm dealing with, I'm not trying to be "woe is me" but I just am expressing what I've been walking through... sorry if it seems melodramatic)

I thought that the next 2 years and 3 months of my life were somewhat planned and set in stone but I was completely wrong. God took away my '2 year plan' just as fast as He had given it to me. Through this, I'm learning to fear God more, to trust Him more, to revere Him more and to obey Him more. I'm learning to spend more time with Him, to spend more time studying His word, to be more honest with Him and to seek Him with my whole heart, not because I have something to obtain and not out of hope to gain brownie points with God but because I would be foolish not to. I would be wasting my time and my life. With all that He has done for me, all that He has given me, why would I ever want to do anything other than serve, love and trust Him?... the Creator, father, judge, lover, king, provider and protector of me.

Even in the midst of all of this, I'm at peace about everything; because even though it could seem like everything is falling apart, in reality, everything is being put back into God's hand.

Everything is being put back together.
Psalm 6: O Lord, Deliver My Life

6:1 O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger,
nor discipline me in your wrath.

2 Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing;
heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled.
3 My soul also is greatly troubled.
But you, O Lord—how long?

4 Turn, O Lord, deliver my life;
save me for the sake of your steadfast love.
5 For in death there is no remembrance of you;
in Sheol who will give you praise?

6 I am weary with my moaning;
every night I flood my bed with tears;
I drench my couch with my weeping.
7 My eye wastes away because of grief;
it grows weak because of all my foes.

8 Depart from me, all you workers of evil,
for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.
9 The Lord has heard my plea;
the Lord accepts my prayer.
10 All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled;
they shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment.

Hebrews 4:14-16 Jesus the Great High Priest

14 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Surrender...

Surrender...

No matter how many times I've already done it, I have to do it again and again; and it never gets easier. Whether it's surrendering my time, my friends, my calling, my heart, my job; it doesn't matter, it hurts all the same.

God keeps bringing me to the event in Genesis 22 when He asks Abraham to "take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you..." So, Abraham obeys God and he and Isaac travel to the land that God told him so that he may offer Isaac to God. The response that caught my attention was "Here am I". This is what Abraham says to God when God calls for him and it's also what he says when Isaac calls for him. I read this "Here am I" and it really shows me that God is simply looking for people who are willing to confront Him and will answer when He calls on them. The willingness and attentiveness of Abraham really challenges me on whether I am standing at attention when God calls for me or speaks to me...

Another thing that struck me was Isaac was Abraham's son that God had promised years ago, even after Abraham's unfaithfulness and lack of trust in God, God still provided Isaac to Abraham and Sarah when they were 100 years old. Therefore, this sacrifice that God is asking Abraham to make is not only the hardest thing he is ever asked to do but it seems so illogical because God gave him this son in the first place, so why would God give him a son only to sacrifice years later?....

Well, here comes the beautiful part of the story. Abraham makes it to the top of the mountain with Isaac and puts him on the altar and is about to sacrifice his son, knife in hand; when an angel appears to Abraham and says "Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him, for not I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me." I love this verse, it reveals the whole purpose of God's command to Abraham, to see if Abraham truly fears Him and loves Him above all other things in the world. God then provided a ram for the offering and spared Isaac's life.

Finally, I read in Gen. 22:15-19 "And the angel of the Lord called to Abraham a second time from heaven and said, "By myself I have sworn, declares the Lord, because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you, and I will surely multiply your offspring as the stars of heaven and as the sand that is on the seashore. And your offspring shall possess the gate of his enemies, and in your offspring shall all the nations of the earth be blessed, because you have obeyed my voice."

This is the beginning of God's promise to Abraham and His people. This is the beginning of a beautiful promise and plan for God's people that reveals His faithfulness and love . The Beginning of God's promise and blessing came from the obedience of Abraham; it came from the call to sacrifice the most important thing in his life. A call that he embraced because he knew that God was worthy of it, no matter how painful it was.

So why do we have to sacrifice and surrender these things to God over and over again?...Because God wants to know if we will say:
"God, I choose you above all other things... No matter how hard it hurts, because you are worthy of it all."

In the end it comes down to realizing that everything comes from God. If He chooses to put something in your life, then He can just as easily take it out. Nothing on this earth is ours, no time, no possession, no person. It all belongs to God. Why not surrender to Him, when in the end He has a beautiful promise to exchange in return for our obedience and fear?

Finally, I surrender.



"All of Me" - Jason Morant
On my face is where we meet
No disgrace is felt only this peace
Having lit this heart with Your burning kiss
You've become all I hope to never live without

In the stillness I know
There is not a thing You haven't done
To make me Your own
All of me

On my face I'm empty yet complete
I have no desire but Your heart to seek
So I'll stay until horizons reappear
And the light from Your love
Will chase away all my fears

In the stillness I know
There is not a thing You haven't done
To make me Your own
All of me all of me
In Your presence I know
It's Your love alone that covers all
My weakness and shame
All of me all of me

So I'll stay right here with You
Yes I'll stay until I disappear into You

I'm Taken: An Exclusive Relationship

I've had an interesting adjustment coming home: came from living in community with 40 other people in one hallway - to living in a house with three others (and two stories for us four to live in). I went from reading/studying the Bible 10 hours a day, mandatory worship, and intercession, etc. to church on sundays, college group on tuesdays and 30 min. studying every other day. It's been quite a huge adjustment. Some days I'm so happy to be home, other days I cry myself to sleep because I miss my friends in Montana. (I've even found myself missing our 3 hour lectures.) It has been a huge learning process.

I've really been challenged being home in my personal walk with God because it caused me to evaluate how much of my walk with God was being based off of the mandatory worship and studying as opposed to my personal quiet times. Thankfully, God has had so much grace on me and He has continued a huge passion in my heart to keep studying the Bible and spending time with HIm. I can't get enough of it!

All this to say...
I began to hang out with my friends and filled my time with fellowship (which isn't a bad thing) Except... my thoughts and time began to be consumed with my friends and family instead of God.

This morning God challenged me;
He told me: "sharis, I want you to stay home with me today". So, I obeyed him of course! I've been home all day just spending time with God, sitting in silence, being in the Word, playing my guitar and worshiping. The one thing He told me loud and clear was: "I want your whole heart, I want your attention, I want all of you. I am jealous for you." and all of a sudden, I realized that God was telling me to be home with Him because He wants my everything, my time, love, attention, and my thoughts. I began to realize how much I was consuming my life with people and not God. (don't get me wrong, we were created for both but there is a fine line between loving people the way God created us to and allowing them to become idols in our lives...let's just say i've been convicted of idolatry...) These words that He spoke to me revealed that He really is in pursuit of me and my heart. God really is pursuing me and a relationship with me. SO much so; that He asked me to put everything down today in order to spend time with Him. He really is "Jealous for me".

This goes along with something that He spoke to me on Tues. He revealed to me: "Sharis, you are afraid to love." and I was a bit perplexed at this because, well... I love everyone. I love GOd, I love people. I love to love. So I asked Him, "who am I afraid to Love" and He Said "yourself". It wasn't until today that I have been given a full understanding of what He meant... I avoid time with God and fill my time with people, because It's so hard for me to believe that the creator of all, the One, the "I Am", The Beginning and End, would love a sinner like me. I didn't want to accept His love because I was afraid it's not 'real' because I feel that I don't deserve it. Well, the reality is, I don't deserve it; none of us do. But if He is going to give it to me then why would I neglect that? Why would I choose to avoid that?

God Loves me, He rejoices over me, He dances over me. He likes me. Not because of anything I have done but simply because He created me, I am His masterpiece, I am His daughter, A royal priesthood. I am His and He is Mine.

He is Jealous for me, Oh how he loves us.

This beautifully exclusive Day with My King reveals the Beautifully exclusive relationship that He wants to have with all of us.

I am Taken.

Nine Months, 44 Students, 66 books... 1 GOD!

This is my Final application for the last book of my nine months SBS experience. I can't believe in nine months I have walked through the BIble completely. God has done so much... I wish I could say more, but words really can't describe... Read and enjoy:

Final Application: “The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.” Ecc. 12:13-14


These past 9 months God has taught me so much. He continues to amaze me at the truth that he speaks over me, and how He does it with such love and patience. This verse has basically summed up everything that I feel like I have learned this year: To fear God. I have learned not to tolerate sin, and that this life is not about me at all, it’s about Him and His glory, and I’ve learned to have an eternal perspective. With all the knowledge I have gained this year, at times I’ve found it so hard to shut my mind off; I began to over evaluate things and details but I have finally learned the simple basics that I always need to go back to: the beginning of wisdom is to fear God. As long as I fear God above all other things, then the rest of my life will line up within that fear of God.

I have had a huge revelation and realization of my own humanity and my need for a savior. I have come to see the wickedness inside of myself, my need for God’s grace and for His love; He has restored the joy of my salvation. I know that this is only the beginning of what else God wants to teach me, do with me and where he wants to take me. I don’t ever want the fear of God to leave me. I want to continually be in fear of Him and in remembrance of His might and power and glory so that I will always walk humbly at this revelation. I pray that these truths will truly be bound to my heart and mind.

God,
All I want and all I need is YOU. Thank you so much for what you have done in my life. I’m not deserving of any of it. Thank you for your patience, your grace and love in my life. Please continue to give me revelation of your glory so that I can truly fear you. I want to walk in a fear of you over a fear of man every single day of my life. I want this fear of you to bring a pursuit of holiness and a new level of intolerance of sin. I long to glorify you mightily in my life. May all that people see in me be nothing less than your grace and love. I long to give my life to you through love and devotion to you. I do; I give it all to you and I commit myself to you, your plans for me. I commit my life to glorify you, for the purpose of Your Kingdom. Whether in suffering or joy. You are worthy of it all. I praise you for your power, beauty and love. All that I can say is ‘thank you’.

Goodbyes -- Bittersweet

This morning I woke up at 6am (which is very early for me... I'm not a morning person) to say goodbye to the Spring Discipleship Training School(DTS). Since I've been here for 9 months we have seen 3 different DTS' go through but this one was the one that I have gotten to spend the most time with. These students were amazing! There were three girls in particular that I really got to know and became good friends with. It was amazing to be able to speak into their lives but I think that I benefited more from what they spoke into my life. They really helped encourage me and push me through this last quarter of SBS.

We said goodbye to them this morning because they are headed for outreach to India and the Ukraine. The last time I said goodbye to people close to me was when I left home to come here, but I knew that I would be back home in nine months. This goodbye was different. I had made these amazing friends and had to say goodbye knowing that I may never see them again (praying that I will) However, I couldn't help but to praise God in the midst of the sadness, thanking Him for bringing us together in the first place.
My heart really does hurt to leave such incredible God-fearing people. They have loved me and I have loved them so much! I began to realize that this same thing is about to happen in 3 weeks when I have to say goodbye to my SBS Class. It's bittersweet because I know that by saying goodbye I am releasing them to go and preach the gospel all over the world, yet I am sacrificing a friend. In my SBS class we have people preparing to go onto ministry in India, South Africa, Mozambique, Australia, Canada... I could go on. It's been incredible to see how God has blessed these relationships and I know that I will cross paths with many of them again, if not we will always stay in contact. These are sisters and brothers that will always be in my heart and prayers.

Please pray that I will not shrink into myself and keep from pouring into relationships out of a fear of having to say goodbye. I don't want to ever keep from investing in people's lives just because I know that I will have to say goodbye eventually. I have come to realize that I would rather invest in relationships and share a deep love with my brothers and sisters and have a heart breaking goodbye, than to never know them at all.

This is the life of a missionary, always serving, always trusting, always changing, always moving, always saying goodbye. It really is a beautiful life... but that doesn't mean it's not going to be hard. I think sometimes the struggles are the most beautiful part.

I love you all so much. You really don't know the amount of compassion that God has put on my heart for every single one of you.

Sad Story= sunny day, a lake and a phone

Yesterday was a beautiful sunny day here in Lakeside Montana so a few of us went down to the dock at the lake to lay in the sun and relax on our day off. I had a great conversation with my sister Grashia and when I went to hang up and put my phone in my purse it missed my purse and slipped perfectly through the crack of the planks of the dock. (and when I say "perfectly" I really mean you could not have reenacted the perfection of this slip up... ) I didn't even realize what had happened until I heard the "plop" of the water.

All this to say... accidents happen and I would love to get your phone numbers because they are all in the bottom of the lake on my phone. So, If you could email me your numbers that would be great. This is also a good time to mention that I got a new email address. It is at the bottom.

I hope that you have an amazing Sunday "Sabbath" and get some rest. I am really looking forward to being home with you all soon in 4 weeks. Love you all

sharis.harmon@gmail.com

He has given me direction!

A lot has happened in the past few days... here's a brief update!

About 5 months ago I applied for a school called Titus Project with YWAM in Arusha, Tanzania, Africa. It's a three month school where you learn how to teach the Inductive Bible Study Method and then you spend the last two months teaching and equipping pastors and leaders throughout Africa on how to study the Bible. Well... on Tues. I got the acceptance email! It starts Nov. 21, 2008 and goes through Feb. 21 2009.

About a month ago I applied for School of Biblical Studies and Titus project Staff with YWAM in Muizenburg, South Africa. This staffing position is a two year commitment. I really did not know what was going to be next in life and felt God challenging me to simply apply for this position only knowing that I'm called to Africa and trusting that God would reveal the rest. Well... Today I received and acceptance email from South Africa!

3 days ago I had a completely blank page of what my future was going to look like. I had no answers and nothing to hold onto, Now I have an idea of what the next two years might look like! Truly "waiting on God" really does prove to be the best thing a person could ever do. I'm so excited about this and all that God is revealing but I know that I can't hold onto these plans more than I hold onto God so I will rejoice in His blessings and faithfulness but I will keep waiting on Him!

Be blessed!

Waiting on God

We've been going through the prophets as we are nearing the end of this school and one thing that God has been challenging me on is the concept and calling of "waiting on Him". What does it mean to truly wait on Him? How, when, where, and why?...We just finished the book of Micah yesterday and a verse that really stuck with me was 7:7 "But as for me; I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me."

The last couple of months God has been asking me to come and be with Him and to sit in silence and wait on Him, without talking, worshiping, praying, or even expecting an answer from Him in return. He has asked me to simply be with Him in silence, waiting, and knowing that He is enough to sustain my every need... even without words. Through this I've found that waiting on Him truly is a discipline. We are such busy people with busy minds, it really takes discipline to go with no expectation before God and to just be. He has asked me this question though "is it enough for you to just be with me? Do you have to come when you want something or need something? can you simply just be with me to be with me? To spend time with a friend?"

So, in response I have been with God, I have waited on Him and I will continue to. He has proved Himself to sustain and satisfy my every need without words. I have come to a new revelation of God's faithfulness, kindness, friendship and love. I have come to see that He already knows and understands my heart. I have come to a place where my heart so desires God and not just the "blessings/fruit" of God that I will take an hour out of my day just to sit in silence with my best friend. NO expectations, no worries/fears/anxieties, no questions asked or answers sought... simply silence with One who created me and wants to spend time with me. What an amazing feeling to rest in the arms of my Maker, to sit with the One who pursues me and finds joy in me. It is true... In His presence, I lack nothing.

I think Andrew Murray does a good job at expressing this truth in his book "Waiting on God":

"These all wait for You, that You may give them their food in due season..." (Psalm 104:27) It is God who gives all: let this truth enter deeply into our hearts. Until we fully understand all that is implied in our waiting on God, and until we have been able to cultivate the habit, let the truth enter our souls. Waiting continually on the one true God in entire dependence upon Him is the only true religion. It is the one unalterable and all-comprehensive expression of our true relationship to the One in whom we live. Let us resolve once and for all that it will be the one characteristic of our life and worship to continually, humbly and honestly wait on God. We may rest assured that the One who made us for himself that He might give himself to us and dwell in us will never disappoint us. In waiting on Him we will find rest and joy and strength and the supply of every need. My soul wait only on God!"


Wait On God, be with Him. Silence your mind, body and soul. He is jealous for your heart and your attention and he is worthy of so much more than that.

Be blessed.