I've had an interesting adjustment coming home: came from living in community with 40 other people in one hallway - to living in a house with three others (and two stories for us four to live in). I went from reading/studying the Bible 10 hours a day, mandatory worship, and intercession, etc. to church on sundays, college group on tuesdays and 30 min. studying every other day. It's been quite a huge adjustment. Some days I'm so happy to be home, other days I cry myself to sleep because I miss my friends in Montana. (I've even found myself missing our 3 hour lectures.) It has been a huge learning process.
I've really been challenged being home in my personal walk with God because it caused me to evaluate how much of my walk with God was being based off of the mandatory worship and studying as opposed to my personal quiet times. Thankfully, God has had so much grace on me and He has continued a huge passion in my heart to keep studying the Bible and spending time with HIm. I can't get enough of it!
All this to say...
I began to hang out with my friends and filled my time with fellowship (which isn't a bad thing) Except... my thoughts and time began to be consumed with my friends and family instead of God.
This morning God challenged me;
He told me: "sharis, I want you to stay home with me today". So, I obeyed him of course! I've been home all day just spending time with God, sitting in silence, being in the Word, playing my guitar and worshiping. The one thing He told me loud and clear was: "I want your whole heart, I want your attention, I want all of you. I am jealous for you." and all of a sudden, I realized that God was telling me to be home with Him because He wants my everything, my time, love, attention, and my thoughts. I began to realize how much I was consuming my life with people and not God. (don't get me wrong, we were created for both but there is a fine line between loving people the way God created us to and allowing them to become idols in our lives...let's just say i've been convicted of idolatry...) These words that He spoke to me revealed that He really is in pursuit of me and my heart. God really is pursuing me and a relationship with me. SO much so; that He asked me to put everything down today in order to spend time with Him. He really is "Jealous for me".
This goes along with something that He spoke to me on Tues. He revealed to me: "Sharis, you are afraid to love." and I was a bit perplexed at this because, well... I love everyone. I love GOd, I love people. I love to love. So I asked Him, "who am I afraid to Love" and He Said "yourself". It wasn't until today that I have been given a full understanding of what He meant... I avoid time with God and fill my time with people, because It's so hard for me to believe that the creator of all, the One, the "I Am", The Beginning and End, would love a sinner like me. I didn't want to accept His love because I was afraid it's not 'real' because I feel that I don't deserve it. Well, the reality is, I don't deserve it; none of us do. But if He is going to give it to me then why would I neglect that? Why would I choose to avoid that?
God Loves me, He rejoices over me, He dances over me. He likes me. Not because of anything I have done but simply because He created me, I am His masterpiece, I am His daughter, A royal priesthood. I am His and He is Mine.
He is Jealous for me, Oh how he loves us.
This beautifully exclusive Day with My King reveals the Beautifully exclusive relationship that He wants to have with all of us.
I am Taken.
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