Falling apart or being put back together?...

Are things falling apart or being put back together?

God has taught me a lot through this simple question. Recently God challenged me to give up my position on staff with YWAM in South Africa. He also asked me to give up a few other things along with it (I won't go into detail). All of this has been really humbling and stretching. Let's just say that God had to pry my fingers open before I let it all go.

This morning, I was in my room thinking about all that I have been asked to 'give up' to God and I began to just cry. I knelt there, face in the carpet wondering what my future was going to look like. Panic began to creep in as I realized all that I had (all that I thought I had) was now gone. (don't get me wrong, I know there are worse things in life than what I'm dealing with, I'm not trying to be "woe is me" but I just am expressing what I've been walking through... sorry if it seems melodramatic)

I thought that the next 2 years and 3 months of my life were somewhat planned and set in stone but I was completely wrong. God took away my '2 year plan' just as fast as He had given it to me. Through this, I'm learning to fear God more, to trust Him more, to revere Him more and to obey Him more. I'm learning to spend more time with Him, to spend more time studying His word, to be more honest with Him and to seek Him with my whole heart, not because I have something to obtain and not out of hope to gain brownie points with God but because I would be foolish not to. I would be wasting my time and my life. With all that He has done for me, all that He has given me, why would I ever want to do anything other than serve, love and trust Him?... the Creator, father, judge, lover, king, provider and protector of me.

Even in the midst of all of this, I'm at peace about everything; because even though it could seem like everything is falling apart, in reality, everything is being put back into God's hand.

Everything is being put back together.
Psalm 6: O Lord, Deliver My Life

6:1 O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger,
nor discipline me in your wrath.

2 Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing;
heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled.
3 My soul also is greatly troubled.
But you, O Lord—how long?

4 Turn, O Lord, deliver my life;
save me for the sake of your steadfast love.
5 For in death there is no remembrance of you;
in Sheol who will give you praise?

6 I am weary with my moaning;
every night I flood my bed with tears;
I drench my couch with my weeping.
7 My eye wastes away because of grief;
it grows weak because of all my foes.

8 Depart from me, all you workers of evil,
for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.
9 The Lord has heard my plea;
the Lord accepts my prayer.
10 All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled;
they shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment.

Hebrews 4:14-16 Jesus the Great High Priest

14 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.